Tuesday, December 01, 2009 ' 5:54 PM
Hello.
Its been too long hasn't it? i just decided that sharing too much wasn't doing me any good.
Its been a hectic November, with many many late nights at work. Many important events, one of which: witnessing dearest Nona get engaged and make her way down the road towards eternal marital bliss insyaAllah.
I'm dating someone yes. He's nothing short of amazing and he's absolutely perfect for me. But as usual, perfection is kinda an illusion. There are circumstances which i would not reveal that would make this union highly unlikely.
But i've learnt to bask myself in the moment and live one day at a time. At this very moment, R makes me incredibly happy. We spend many nights at different beaches, talking, debating and teasing each other silly. The nature of R's job brings him overseas every 5-6 weeks for about 1.5 months.
And like i told him, "5 weeks is enough to forget someone". It is, indeed.
No hopes, no expectations. Just faith that if it was meant to be, everything would fall in place surely.
Being with Khalid has taught me one very important thing; that possession does to equate to anything because there are no absolutes in life. That said, i'm just trying my best to have faith again.
Its not easy. And even with R, he finds me incredibly detached and aloof. I can't help being guarded. I suppose its a case of once bitten, twice shy perhaps?
I can't explain how i love being around R. I feel at ease when he holds me, and he makes me laugh with his driving with one hand antic just so he could hold my hand in the car. He sends me to work everyday in the morning and picks me up occasionally. We both enjoy the beach very much and we'd sit for hours. He talks and i listen, cause i don't say much these days. He would teach me things about vessels, the stars and many many things.
No, i do not have those kind of feelings for R. All i know is that he makes me very very happy, something that was lacking even when i was with Khalid towards the end of our relationship. And i'm happy the way it is.
To be honest, something in my gut tells me that this is not right for some reason. R is the right kind of wrong. And i don't think he'd be around for long due the the circumstances. But like i said, i'm really glad i met him. And even if it doesn't lead to anything, this would be one of the things that helped me back up on my feet properly.
R, i thank God i met you. You're nothing short of amazing. Thank you for making believe that it could be possible to feel again, to want to have faith again.
Its been a month exactly, and maybe many more months if it was meant to be. 5 weeks without you around would be a real test for both of us.
And we'll see. Come what may. =)
Goddessfreja's ruminations
