Tuesday, November 17, 2009 ' 7:22 AM
almost 4 months. Better now. Haven't cried in a long while. Work's crazy, but crazy is good.
Yes i do miss you. But i have to thank God for the people he sent to me to keep me afloat, and sane.
Love blossoming? Nah, not so soon. But maybe, baby. You never know.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Friday, November 06, 2009 ' 8:56 PM
it's been a long time.many changes.
happiness, soon enough. =)
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Saturday, October 24, 2009 ' 1:33 PM
i hardly blog these days. Its not because i don't have anything worth sharing, or that life has been mundane and stagnant. Far from it i would say.But things are just all over the place, and my emotions and horribly complex at this time..
sometimes, sometimes i just think...Won't someone pull the trigger on me already?
cause i'm so so tired of this shit.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Thursday, October 22, 2009 ' 6:44 PM
sometimes i think im ok. then i see things that reminds me of you.
Three months of hell, of emptiness, of learning to walk all over again, learning to live again.
i still haven't lived.
sometimes i think, i'm better off dead.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Friday, October 16, 2009 ' 12:12 AM
in merriment, in sorrow, in agony, in love, in trouble, in amazement and peace. together, always, forever.
i'm settled now, almost there. Just a little more.
Almost at peace, with faith and a renewed sense of hope.
Life's short, be happy. =)
i hope you're happy.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Wednesday, October 14, 2009 ' 12:15 AM
so busy, i hardly have time to breathe.So flustered and bogged down, i don't have time to mourn. Except for nights curled up in bed, you come and haunt my memories.
But God'll show me the way to resolvement, and the way to close my heart to you, forever.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Friday, October 09, 2009 ' 8:18 AM
For all that its worth, you can continue judging me. Only Allah will judge me, for only Allah knows the true content of my heart and my intentions.I am only answerable to Him, and no one else.
For every action that any human being takes, there are consequences and repercussions.
For you, me, or another random stranger, nothing comes free in this world. We will pay for our actions one day, be it sooner or later.
May Allah have mercy on all our souls.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Thursday, October 08, 2009 ' 12:58 PM
i'm this close to giving up. But i won't. Cause i won't give you that satisfaction. God will show me the way, lead me and guide me.And God will give you your dues, that i promise you.
Losing everything is at the same time the scariest, as well as the most... liberating experience you can have. When you have something, - anything, you've got to protect it from disappearing. And so worry becomes a resident in your heart. When you've got nothing, your heart overflows with gratitude for every offering you receive.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Wednesday, October 07, 2009 ' 8:00 PM
motherfucker.Goddessfreja's ruminations
Tuesday, October 06, 2009 ' 11:42 PM
I was this close to sucuumbing.Thank Allah for distractions. Thank Allah for keeping my head high still and my dignity intact.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Monday, October 05, 2009 ' 10:24 PM
Every minute of his life has since been marked by her absence, every action has lacked dimension because she is not there to meaure against. Now i know how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird.: Henry Detamble, The Time Traveller's WifeThese dreams of you, reminds me. How i used to run my fingers over you. I still do sometimes, in the dark shadowing your outline.
And then i fall asleep, my pillows laced with tears, fears and regret.
I miss you so much, i don't know how to do this anymore.
Sometimes i feel abandoned, alone and empty. Completely empty even in the midst of so many.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Sunday, October 04, 2009 ' 2:55 AM
3am.My morning entries seem to be getting pretty often, and vivid. Times like this, you know you your friends are. And who are the people who will go out of their way to be there for you.
I know, i know some of us have incredibly busy lives.. So i'd like to thank all these people, in random order.
Kaithri: for being there all the time, anytime. For pulling me out of this shit, for holding my hand when i falter.
Yany + Iskandar: Its because of the 2 of you tt i stay sane on weekends, and weekday nights. Thank you for letting me into your lives, and be part of it although i macam lamp post. And i look forward to December. And 12.12.12 =)
Dominic: For being the most incredible friend. i never tot i'd find that in you but i did. And its so special. And you know i love you Dom, in that platonic kinda way.
Hafidzah: For being there for me at 3am under my block. For your words of encouragement and being a listening ear. I'm glad you found love, my dear.
Anuar: For being that elder brother i never had. 10 years on, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.
And to all those who were there, or who gave a damn. Thank you.
In this aspect, i am truly blessed with such incredible friends.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Saturday, October 03, 2009 ' 12:26 PM
I miss him so incredibly much. I haven felt this sense of despondence that is so deep in a long time. I don't know how to describe this emptiness.
Its just a big aching void.
Come back sometime, won't you?
i forgive you, i forgive you, and i forgive you.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Friday, October 02, 2009 ' 6:34 PM
Clare Abshire (after Henry's death): Sometimes i wake up and reach for Henry. Sleep erases all differences, then and now; dead and living. I am past hunger, past vanity, past caring. I look dead. I want nothing. If there is really a God (sometimes i am just beyond doubt, god forbid i know), please show me something, a light to help me through.
Because i am just sinking, and i don't believe anymore.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
Thursday, October 01, 2009 ' 3:28 PM
Nor Time, nor Place, nor Chance, nor Death can bow/my least desires unto the last remove. - Henry Detamble, The Time Traveler's Wifeone last time, one last kiss, one llast embrace.. Maybe just one last night would null the pain.
Goddessfreja's ruminations
